What the HELL??

What the

Okay… I wrote something but APPARENTLY it is not meant to be entered here.  So… I am just tapping my fingers on my keyboard waiting to discover what exactly it is that I should be writing now.   I don’t get it sometimes.. I think I know what I should do… I am pushing myself.. granted… but I think I should push myself sometimes to make something grab a little teeny tiny spark of light that will hopefully ignite.  So… I am at this moment, rubbing those sticks as fast and hard as I can…

mmm… so, I am just letting it all happen, unfold…. not trying to manipulate or ‘bend’ it into a determined result.  I have no frickin’ clue what the result will be.  My hopes are that it will develop, grab a drop or two of moisture dripping from the rain that fell a day ago that little drop that survived and is rolling down the slightly angled roof…

What the hell was that?/…??  I don’t know.  I have no clue.  LIFE… ah… that is what I am doing.. that is what I can ALWAYS count on.  Living… well, let’s face it when you can’t count on Living…. then, you must be DEAD… lol WHATEVER

I think I am done now.  What the hell?  Another day in PJ land!  Giggle……


My Conversation with God



Another beautiful day provided by God!  Oh thank you!

Today is a Sunday and I always try to spend some time with Him.  To chat within my mind.  So fun and comforting as he touches my heart and soul.  I tell Him about my wondrous week and give thanks for showing me the way.  I let him know that I realize the blessings from Him are filled with Love.  That I heard His whispers to me and followed His directions.  What a lovely Gift!  Nothing, absolutely nothing can be better!

When I think of something I follow his lead.  When I smile it is an indication that the turned up corners of my mouth that form a crescent smile is Him gently holding and hugging me.

Each and every day I learn… learn my lessons.

Sometimes I falter.  I slip into the noise surrounding me and then I feel his prodding to dismiss them and I verbally say:  ‘Thank you God!’

For me, every day is a new gift to open.  Every morning I say out loud:  ‘It’s a beautiful day… what do I say?.. Thank you Jesus!”  That is what I say.



And so, she shall write


She was a little girl and her Mother bought her a diary.  It was a Mary Poppin’s Diary with a lock.  She loved that diary and wrote all her secrets within and locked them away.

As she grew she would write sometimes and as she wrote she dreamed of writing always.  She dreamed that she was a writer and that she had something very important to say.  And then life got a hold of her and she wandered off to live and stuff.

There were times when the sadness of life tied her all up in knots and she couldn’t get undone.. then, she would write her way out of it… and again, dream of being a writer but lost her pen and carried on with living.

Sometimes she swore she had entered heaven and had to document every breath she took and wrote it all down.. and then she misplaced her journal and dropped her pen in a puddle and walked on into her life.

Well, now… she must write.  Now is time.  There is no plan.

And so… she shall write.




We really need to take a check on who we are…. why we are here…. what the F it is all about.   So.. right now .. as you read this… what is going on? What are you doing?  What is your purpose.?  Ahhh wake up.. brush your teeth.. go to work… try to pay your bills… hope some day.. you can be HAPPY?   Well… STOP.. THINK.. you must get a GRIP!!!

BE happy.. no… it is not the car on tv you are made to desire.  It is NOT the body on tv that will make you happy.  It is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!

Wake the F UP… it is a game .. you are the pawn.. you are being controlled.  PLEASE wake up and see that YOU NEED NONE OF THAT!  The GOLD YOU SEEK is within YOUR HEART.

LOVE… Simple.. simply LOVE…

that is  all I have to say for now.


WAKE UP!!! please????



Yes.. use that BRAIN!!!… so asleep.. slumbering in a soft place.  It’s not MY business… ahhhh WHATEVER!!!!!  So… you just go on.. sleep.. wake… eat.. go to work.. can’t deal with anything else.

Good slaves… keep on … keep making the money… paying the taxes.. very very very good.

This is troubling.. times are critical.  WE MUST wake up and realize this is NOT RIGHT!

Our world is in BIG TROUBLE…. BIG TROUBLE.

pLEASE.. WAKE UP..please?

That is all for now….. weeping….




Sometimes no matter what I do, I cannot control my mind.

It is here.. there… everywhere.


It is stuck in re-play mode.. playing over a bad experience.. over and over like I am locked in a movie that just keeps starting over.

I will try connecting with nature.. exercising.. does not work.


Creativity.. ahhhh that is IT!!!!

Sometimes I write..

When I first started.. I said “I am NOT a writer”

Well… I wrote that.

I wrote “This is stupid.. why am I even doing this?”.. and then.. ahhhh something takes over

And the story begins.

Other times I will color!  I’ll use crayons.. or colored pencils and draw shapes and color them.

Once again as you begin.. it is TUFF but continue on and MAGIC.

The beauty of creating is that your mind/soul/heart gets a break…


In the end.. you accomplished something.

If you feel lost.. confused… or like you are going crazy… lonely..


I’ll leave it at that………


bankingDid you ever give this a thought?  What if… what if… the banking institutions failed?

Well, believe it or not… I have thought about this a lot!  My research is leading me to believe almost without a doubt it is about to happen.  Sounds crazy??  Yea.. I think so too.

Well let me share a— T~R~U~T~H.

When I went to Enota Mountain Retreat, the day I got there,  I went online to check my bank balance.  I could not connect to the bank.  I was on a Mountain so I just dismissed it as a bad connection.  After less then 24 hours.. I left (another crazy story.. written).

My one bank is a Credit Union.. it is very large.  I’ll leave it at that.  VERY large.

I was distraught so I got a room in Hiawassee GA.  Once there, I connected to internet and I still could not connect to bank.  I tried to call and get my balance and that did not work either.  I said to self:  “This is CRAZY BUT…. again I am in the Mountains.”   So, I convinced myself not to worry and just carry on.

So.. I left for Enota from Ohio on a Tuesday.  Arrived on Wednesday.  Left Thursday.. stayed over a few nights along the way and got back home on Saturday.  What a whirlwind trip!!!   The whole time I could not reach the bank.. the whole time.

Once home… I COULD NOT CONNECT WITH THE BANK…   I would call and get disconnected.  I finally said… this is really crazy.. I am losing my frickin’ mind.  My brother lives with me and I was showing him on my computer what was happening I would yell out when I couldn’t reach them via phone.

The actual HEADQUARTERS of the Credit Union are in California.  There are ‘only’ shared-branches in my area.  I live in Parma OH.. 20-30 minutes from Cleveland.

So.. I go to the Shared Branch.  First off, the door would not open!!!!  SERIOUSLY!!  I noticed one of those buzzers with a camera.  I pressed the button and then heard a click and was able to enter.  I asked the lady.. what was going on.  She had a confused look on her face.  I explained what was happening .. she was still at a loss.  Finally, I gave her my info and asked her to look up my account.  She did so.  I asked her to provide me with a printout of my account activity.  She responded that they are not permitted to do that since they are a shared-branch.  WTF?????????????  I requested a withdrawal slip and took all my money out except for 10.00.  I went home and changed my direct deposit I receive to my other bank.

It was TWO WEEKS before I was able to access online.  They have a Facebook page and I went ‘NUTS’ on it…!!!!  I would receive messages that they would call me and they never did…   After I finally was able to access my account, they have placed charges for overdrafts.. late fees all kinds of shit.   So my battle WILL continue.  I was also late paying my rent so I will have quite a hefty late fee.   I WILL MAKE THEM PAY>>>  Then I will be on my way.  DONE.


I will leave it at that.