IT IS ALL A BLUR

enota blur

I arrived at Enota and my heart was pounding and pounding .. excitement consumed me and I felt as though I would EXPLODE!

I went into the lodge and announced:  “PJ made it!”….  I was met by questioning looks.  That didn’t bother me though.. I’m used to that.  I realize I can be a bit hard to take.

Then… we went through the formalities of paperwork and such.

Dr. Susan Suan.(a non practicing Chiroprater).. who is the Trustee introduced herself and shook my hand.  Her handshake sent a lightening bolt through me.  Sounds odd.. but seriously, that is what happened.  I then met Donna, the Director.  They … well, how to say this and express what I felt?  STOIC  yea they were STOIC.  {a member of a school of philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium about 300 b.c.holding that the wise man should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submissive to natural law}.

I kept my happy face.. unmoved by them.  I told myself.. “Hey, maybe something big just happened and they are processing that).

I went and moved some things into my little room in the Mic Mac and proceeded to explore and make my video.  I then went to the lodge and asked what everyone does for dinner… they said, go to the Farmhouse by the Organic Garden.  So, I went.  I met Michael, age 29, and Ben, 21.  They were so cute and happy!  AHHHH happiness is here!  Praise the Lord!  BUT, Michael said, “Did you notice no one is happy here?  They forgot to take their HAPPY PILLS”!!!!  wow wow.. my intuition was starting to prod me… big time.  BUT, I decided to give it all a chance.  After all, this is a whole new environment.. life!

After that, I wanted to go to town:  Hiawassee, Georgia.  I went to Lodge to see if anyone needed anything and Dr Suan wanted Brocolli… gave me money and off I went.  Came back, handed to her and she then said:  ” Your sent is strong.. too strong.. your perfume…you must do something about that!”  ah… I just squirtted some white musk on like at 7 am.. that’s it.  I said:  “Okay.. I have no problem NOT wearing any.”  Again… TRYING to fit in!

I went to my room.. laid on my bed and it was AWFUL!!!!!  I have been sleeping on a couch for 2 years and it was heaven compared.  Yet, I said to ME… just try to sleep and deal with it in the morning.

Well, I awoke when still dark and was looking at the stars when a man walked by.  I asked what is going on.. what am I supposed to do.. he said:  Meeting is always at 8 in the Lodge.

So, I go to Lodge at 7:45.  I am getting coffee and telling someone that my bed was hard to sleep on.  Then, suddenly there is Donna saying:  “PJ, come here and Betty, join us”.

We go into another room and Donna tells me:  “You do not complain here.  If you complain, you will be asked to leave.”  In that moment.. I allowed my inner voice, my automatic voice to speak.  I said “I did not mean to be ‘complaining’ but that be is bad.. real bad and I cannot be doing physical work at the age of 61 and sleep on it”  She went on and on and to be honest.. I did that MAN thing and tuned her out!  I really did NOT care what she said.  It was unimportant.  BUT, when she paused long enough.. I said:  “OK, I understand.  BUT, you must understand that I did not know and I would appreciate you understanding that I cannot own being ‘wrong’ when I wasn’t aware.”

I hugged her.  Yes, I hugged her.  I said “Thank you”.  The end.  done.. I just showed LOVE and let it gooooooo.

Went back to meeting.  There were only about 10 people there.  NO ONE looked happy.  NO ONE NO ONE.

Except smiling Michael and Ben!  We 3 were quite the trio!  We would look at each other like… “What the hell is going on???”… it was comical..and SAD.

So… after that, Donna said I was going to get trained to run the front desk.  I then asked.. “ah… what about breakfast?”  She said I should do that before the 8:00 meeting.  So, No breakfast for PJ!

THEN, Donna said to pick up twigs.  The winter brought down many branches and twigs on the property and I said “OKAY.. I can do that”.  She said to just make piles and someone will pick up later.

I was happy to be outside.  So.. I’m picking up sticks.  THEN, Dr Suan comes up and says:  “Get a wheel barrow and put the twigs in and then dump into the fire they have going.”  “OKAY, I can do that!”…..

THEN, Walter, who was doing contruction on the Motel rooms says:  “I really need that wheel barrow to move the trash.. or whatever.. from the contruction”  He said:  “Make piles and I will pick them up”… OKAY I CAN DO THAT!

THEN, Dr Suan appears and says:  “Where is the wheel barrow and I say.. Walter needed it.  I picked up some and now he needs it.  She made me go to where the fire is and said:  “Where are the twigs you picked up?  I don’t see them.”

OH MY… I can’t take it!!!!!  She then says:  YOUR perfume is STILL to strong and you MUST take care of that!   I told her I put NONE on!

Alright.. THAT WAS IT!  She left.. I stood there… I was full of EMOTION.. I was EXPLODING AND Walter, the contractor.. came over and said to me:  “YOU NEED A HUG.. can I give you one?”… I screamed YES.. and he hugged me so tight and I cried.. no , I wept.  I told him I don’t think I can do this!!!!

He then told me:  “I gave up my whole business to come here and be a Project Manager”  It is not good here… it is bad.  Dr Suan is a control freak who is trying to make a name for herself as the ONE who saved Enota.  AND, it is at others expense.  She is putting people into ‘SLAVERY’.  She does NOT care what she does to achieve her goal.

He told me I can come to his RV anytime.

I left… I walked around the playground picking up sticks and thinking.  I was thinking “what will everyone think if I just walk away?”…. I will look like an IDIOT….

Suddenly… I said to ME:  “I DO NOT CARE.. WHAT anyone THINKS of me.  I KNOW this is not right.”

I packed my little Toyota Yaris.. stick shift up and LEFT.. No goodbye.

I was gone baby gone.

Believe it or not, there is even MORE!  I had to have my final say because.. THat is who I AM… I am a “

SPIRITUAL BADASS

AND

I AM UNFUCKWITHABLE

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